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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22824652">i loved and i loved and i lost you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomazalghul/pseuds/tomazalghul'>tomazalghul</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arrow (TV 2012), Green Arrow and the Canaries (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, F/F, I’m sorry, Major character death - Freeform, Sad, like VERY angsty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:40:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22824652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomazalghul/pseuds/tomazalghul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Laurel loses Dinah and doesn’t know how to cope with it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dinah Drake &amp; Earth-2 Laurel Lance, Dinah Drake/Earth-2 Laurel Lance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i loved and i loved and i lost you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I want to apologize in advance for this. I was sad and I wanted to write something sad, so you got this! I hope you all enjoy? Let me know what you think.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey Laurel.” Dinah smiled as she gave her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek.</p>
<p>“Hey baby. How are you?” Laurel asked, looking over her girlfriend with a tilt of her head. </p>
<p>“I’m good. I miss you.” Dinah remarked as she brushed a hair back from Laurel’s face so she could look into her beautiful eyes. The eyes that Dinah fell for almost instantly. </p>
<p>“You miss me? Dinah, I’m right here.” Laurel had a puzzled look on her face.</p>
<p>Dinah’s eyes filled with tears as she looked lovingly at Laurel, “You’re not. Not really.”</p>
<p>Laurel looked around her surroundings and looked back at Dinah, when the realization hit her, “This isn’t real.”</p>
<p>Dinah grabbed Laurel’s hand and smiled sadly, “I’m afraid not, love.”</p>
<p>“Then what am I doing here?” Laurel questioned with a saddened look on her face. </p>
<p>“Seeing me? Looking for answers? You tell me.” Dinah replied with a slight tilt of her head.</p>
<p>At those words, Laurel began to sob and Dinah held onto her as she did, “Why did you have to leave? Why did you ever have to go on that stupid mission?” She asked through her sobs.</p>
<p>“To try to make the world a better place. To hopefully make a better life for you where it’s safe.” Dinah replied as she held Laurel.</p>
<p>Laurel scoffed, “A better life for me? I’m without you. How is that better?”</p>
<p>“You’re a strong woman Laurel. You don’t need me.”</p>
<p>“That’s the thing, I need you so much D.”</p>
<p>Dinah rubbed her girlfriend’s back and pulled away from her, looking her in the eyes, “I’m so sorry baby. I never meant to put you through this, but you knew what going into our line of work meant. I couldn’t let someone hurt you again.”</p>
<p>The room suddenly started to get smaller and things disappeared. Laurel started panicking, holding onto Dinah tighter, “No! I’m not ready to leave yet. Please don’t make me.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry Laurel, but you have to go. You can’t stay here. I love you.” Dinah said as she kissed her on the head and released her.</p>
<p>“DINAH NO!”</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Laurel woke up from her sleep and began sobbing. Sara awoke from her side and sat up with her sister, holding her as she sobbed. </p>
<p>Dinah wasn’t actually here. She wasn’t here because she died on a mission saving Laurel’s life. Someone wanted to kill Laurel and Dinah did everything in her power to make sure it didn’t happen. The person died and Laurel was safe again, but now Dinah is gone. It hadn’t been too long ago when this happened.</p>
<p>It all felt so real. Why wasn’t it real? She wanted to go back, wanted to say the things she couldn’t.</p>
<p>“Laurel?” Sara asked, “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Laurel looked over to her sister and began to sob again once she realized who’s side she was on. That was supposed to be Dinah’s side. Dinah was supposed to be here, but she wasn’t.</p>
<p>Sara rubbed soothing circles onto Laurel’s back as she sobbed. Sara felt bad for her sister. She knew what it felt like to lose someone and how hard it can affect you.</p>
<p>Laurel slowly began to calm down, “She…..she was there Sara. Dinah was.”</p>
<p>“Dinah was where?” Sara asked as she continued to rub a circles on Laurel’s back. </p>
<p>“In my dreams. I saw her and got to talk to her.” Laurel’s eyes began to fill with tears, “I just miss her so much Sara and it’s not fair she isn’t here.”</p>
<p>Sara felt tears begin to prick her eyes and she wiped them away, “Laurel, I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Laurel just couldn’t stop herself from crying. She just wanted Dinah here with her. She wishes she could go back and change what happened, but stupid time travel won’t allow her to, “There are so many things I didn’t get to tell her.”</p>
<p>“Like what?” Sara asked, “If you talk about it, it’ll make it feel better.”</p>
<p>Laurel nodded and took a deep breath to try not to cry, “I wish I could’ve told her what an impact she had on me. How she made a girl like me feel the most love in the world. I wish I could’ve told her that she wasn’t supposed to make me feel this way about her.” Laurel stopped as she felt the tears begin to come again.</p>
<p>Sara smiled sadly. She knew what that love felt like, she felt it with Ava. She couldn’t imagine what she would do if she lost her, “What else would you say?”</p>
<p>“I wish I could tell her I wouldn’t trade anything we went through for anything in the world. But most of all, I wish I could’ve told her how much I love her.” Laurel finished as she cried, “Sara, how do I move on from this? How do I get better knowing that the love of my life is gone and I’m never going to have her back?”</p>
<p>Sara was about to reply, but Laurel wasn’t finished.</p>
<p>“You know I wanted to marry her? Marry her, Sara!” Laurel stated, “I never thought I would want that with anyone, but I finally found the one I wanted that with and now she’s gone.” Laurel ended in a defeated tone. All she wanted was the love of her life back, and there was no way that she would be able to have that back. </p>
<p>Sara took in a deep breath and looked at her sister, “Look Laurel, I know it’s not easy and I’m not sure if you’ll ever get over it. You loved her with the kind of love that cannot be replaced. With that being said, she is always here Laurel.”</p>
<p>Laurel scoffed at that as Sara lightly slapped her arm and continued, “Hey! I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.”</p>
<p>“Ghosts aren’t real Sara.”</p>
<p>“They could be. Time travel and magic are real. Is it super crazy that ghosts could be too?”</p>
<p>Laurel considered what Sara said, “Even if that were true, I want Dinah here. Not her ghost.”</p>
<p>“I know Laurel and I bet Dinah would want to be here, but she did what she felt was right in her heart. That dream, how real did it feel?” Sara asked.</p>
<p>“It felt so real.”</p>
<p>“Well, maybe it was actually her talking to you. You never know. So see? That’s what I mean. She is always here. Maybe not in the way you want, but she is.” Sara pointed out with a smile.</p>
<p>Laurel nodded and smiled at her sister, “I’m sorry that I woke you Sara.”</p>
<p>Sara shook her head and pulled Laurel into a hug, “Don’t ever apologize. You’re going through a lot right now. I’m here for a reason.”</p>
<p>Laurel smiled and hugged Sara tighter, “Well, thank you. I really appreciate it, Sara.”</p>
<p>“Of course. What are sister’s for?” Sara asked as she released Laurel, “Just know that she is here Laurel and she loved you so so much.”</p>
<p>Laurel smiled sadly and looked over at the clock, “We should head back to bed.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Sara asked.</p>
<p>Laurel nodded and went to lie back down, “Yeah, I’m tired. Maybe I’ll see her again?”</p>
<p>“You might. Goodnight Laurel.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight Sara.”</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Laurel looked around at her surroundings. She was in Dinah’s apartment. She needed to find Dinah and tell her the things she wanted to. </p>
<p>Laurel began to look all around the apartment for Dinah and couldn’t find her anywhere. Tears began to fill her eyes as she felt that the universe was playing a cruel trick on her. Why bring her to the one place that Dinah should be at, but wasn’t?</p>
<p>“Dinah?!” Laurel yelled out in hopes to contact Dinah, “D?!”</p>
<p>Laurel continued to yell out Dinah’s name. After a few minutes of no luck, she fell to the ground sobbing. She just wanted to see her again.</p>
<p>“Hey baby.” Laurel froze as she heard a familiar voice. She looked up and Dinah was there. She got up as fast as possible and hugged Dinah.</p>
<p>“Oh my god. Oh my god.”</p>
<p>“Baby calm down. It’s okay.” Dinah said as she held on tighter to Laurel, “I’m here.”</p>
<p>They stood there for a few minutes, just hugging. They eventually released each other and Dinah smiled at Laurel.</p>
<p>“D, there are some things I need to tell you and I want to get it all out before you leave again.” Laurel got out fast. She wanted to make sure she told Dinah everything before she lost her all over again.</p>
<p>Dinah nodded as they both sat down on the ground. Dinah took Laurel’s hand into her own and looked at her lovingly.</p>
<p>“First of all, I miss you so damn much.” Laurel admitted and Dinah gave her a sad smile. “Second… babe… I just… You are everything to me. You helped me become a woman that I never dreamed of becoming. You made me realize that I didn’t always have to take the easy way out. You showed me what it’s like to be loved by someone… really be loved by them. You made me want a life with you… a family… things I never thought I’d ever want.” Laurel reached up to brush a tear from her eye and Dinah sniffed back the tears that were threatening to fall. “I just love the hell out of you. You are the one and only for me, D. I don’t want anyone but you.”</p>
<p>Dinah held back tears that were threatening to fall and kissed Laurel’s hand. “Laurel, I love you more than anything. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so sorry we can’t have a family, but you could still have one.”</p>
<p>Laurel shook her head, “No, I don’t want one with someone that isn’t you.”</p>
<p>“Baby, I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life like this. I want you to move on, be happy, go have a family. Just live a great life.”</p>
<p>“No! No! Dinah, I don’t want to move on without you.”</p>
<p>“You have to Laurel. I’m not there anymore. I wish I could be, but I’m not. I know you don't understand honey now, but you will get better. It will get easier.”</p>
<p>“No Dinah, you don’t understand. You are the only person for me and I’ll be okay not getting with another person. I just can't move on from you because you are too damn important to me and I don't think I will ever love someone the way I love you.”</p>
<p>Dinah just nodded her head at that and smiled sadly at Laurel, “Okay baby. I just don’t want you to be like this forever.”</p>
<p>Laurel shook her head. Dinah couldn’t understand and she wouldn’t expect her to, “Just stay here with me D? Until I have to go back?”</p>
<p>“Always.” Dinah said as she pulled Laurel closer to her.</p>
<p>“Can I kiss you or would that not work out?” Laurel asked.</p>
<p>Dinah chuckled and smiled at Laurel, “I think it should.”</p>
<p>Laurel smiled and leaned over to kiss Dinah. Their lips connected and Laurel felt tears come down as they did. It all felt so real. Her lips felt so soft and so much like Dinah. When they pulled back, Dinah wiped the tears away from Laurel’s eyes. </p>
<p>“I love you so much Dinah.”</p>
<p>“I love you too Laurel. So so much.”</p>
<p>They both stood up, sensing that their time was coming to an end. Dinah pulled Laurel into an embrace.</p>
<p>Laurel put her mouth to Dinah’s ear and whispered, “I am always going to miss you and I know this isn’t real, but this.. being here with you… even for a little while...even if only in my dreams… that’ll be enough for me.”</p>
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